In Suburbia Land

There's a child screaming
across the street
for her mother to let her in
the front door

locks behind her
after it closes
shutting out
what's out there

there now
goes the tv
idles into gear
lulling her sweet mind
into common complacency
dulling the humdrum
constant thrum
of every day

longs to enter
the untamed spaces
unclaimed places
of the house
like its rigid corners
its hidden recesses
the places where
floor meets wall
wild seeps in here

here now
call the infomercials
an astroturf mat soft as grass
for your housebound dog
to piss on
while you toil away
at the office
and look,
who says
a woman must bleed
every month,
month after month?
Repunctuate your life

life enters this world
after 30 hours of labor
pitosin to speed the process
an epidural to numb the pain
"No one," says the new mother
"should need to feel that pain,"
lipstick carefully concealing her mouth

mine is open
hands dig into soil
to plant the next tree
which will bear fruit
painlessly, effortlessly
singing its roots through
the ground,
over and around rocks
the sun is silent as is the wind
in this land of walls,
in this division of sub-life

This black earth

Branches, arching overhead
broad lines
written in the seamless
bend and curve
of light

Pours down
flutters with each
Leaf drop
releasing its life
to the earth
only to start again
by becoming the dark rich soil

I bend now
reaching down
with hands
to touch
no, to immerse
myself in the wonder
in the exact moment
of life happening
Life unfolding
heart aching
to open
its abundant depth

Reveals
its revelling in
the remembrance
of true beauty
found
in the smallest places
the curve of a hand holding
a crimson leaf
the softness of a forest floor
the faintest of smells
rain on jasmine
Always returning
to this dark ground
this island that births itself
over and over again
to remind us
to do the same

Love.Lust.Longing

You do not know oceans
or continents
You're not familiar
with distance of any sort
or the impossible
gap of
time
where his day
is my night
and
he lives in my future
while I remain in his past

No, you do not know these things
nor do you care
You go on beating
your heart wings
and in each swift stroke
is a pulsation of remembrance
his legs wrapped tightly
around mine pinning us
to the same present
Belly to belly
mouth to collarbone
His body against my back
His eyes searching me
with a smile
and a question as large
as the Pleides
and yet, as he says
much closer

A question that spans
the endless miles between us now
It drapes itself across fields of flowers,
neighborhoods, whole city blocks
and the cities themselves,
entire countries and continents,
rivers, oceans, mountains,
great swathes of time
and time again
my heart, my mouth, my body
ache to meet yours again
To press myself to you
To say to hell with
time and distance and practicality
I will be there tomorrow
with flowers and honey
and a smile
and my heart

30June09


(Hmm, don't know about this ending but it stays for now. May get edited at some point in the future.)

An old yet beloved poem

I don't remember when I wrote this, maybe a year ago. Found it today when I was searching through old writings. I remember I was feeling very full at the time...satiated with life.



Woven

my eyes so tired
but my heart content
with you
the universe
the vast umbrella of stars
the half-lit moon
drunken on itself

my life
like a web
reaching
repairing
stretching
inviting
new and wondrous
strands of thought
tastes
experiences

could it be so simple
as saying yes to what we want
no to what we don’t want?
if so,
may the stars bathe me in sweetness tonight
while the fire in my heart warms my soul
and your touch quenches
a longtime thirst

yes to you a thousand times
to life
to breath
to solace
to warmth
to new beginnings

New Year Glitch

I had a dream last night about an old boyfriend. When I woke up, I had no recollection of the details, only the lasting sensation of a bittersweet dream. As the day has worn on, I have remembered the dream and the details have left me feeling this strange sense of sadness. It's the kind of sadness that comes when we allow ourselves to ask the difficult question, "what if?" I have a string of them - the details aren't necessary but it's a new year and I find myself wanting to do things in a new way so as to minimize future regret. Having said this, I'm still asking myself the "what if" questions.

Yesterday I ran into an old lover. (Do lovers ever really become old?) That was sad too. It's always sad for me when I lose a connection with someone, especially someone with whom I had a really sweet thing. But, what can I expect? I was gone and spending time with someone else in a beautiful, sunny country. That someone else is still there in the sun and I'm here, thousands of miles away struggling with post-vacation depression. And my last lover is with his old girlfriend, or so I hear. I am reminded of that movie, Once. If you haven't seen it, I recommend it. These two musicians find one another and make amazing music together. Watching how they are together, you imagine by the end that they will end up together but they don't. He has an ex-girlfriend who has inspired most of his songs and she has a child with another man who, in the end, she returns to. And so, while most of us hope for the romance of it all, life just sometimes works out a certain way. Maybe we have a choice and maybe we don't. Maybe we get attached to someone and maybe that's just the way it is even if someone better and more exciting and even more compatible comes along. Maybe it's out of comfort we stay with someone. Maybe it's just easier than investing our heart in a new thing that's so fragile. And so we stay with the status quo.

Nevertheless, it is a new year. For me, a new year always brings a certain amount of restlessness. You'd think I'd be over this having just traveled for three and a half months. I guess traveling wasn't the antidote. Instead, I think the antidote will be found in some serious soul-searching and, ironically, staying still for a bit. I've seen some things and need to integrate them. This integration, I hope will bring me to the next place in my life and will help me to clarify certain things. I welcome the newness and fresh insights. Bring it on.