My, what a derriere you've got!

Today, I have officially seen the most incredible ass. In-credible as in the literal meaning of the word when dissected - not to be believed.

It happened at the local Y where I recently joined (or rather, re-joined after a long hiatus.) Hands down, they've got the best pool in town. It's treated with salt as opposed to chlorine and so, I don't leave afterwards with a whopper of a migraine. I had just swum many, many laps, hurling my body through the water one long stroke after another, kicking my feet behind me. I am a lap swimmer at heart. There's something about swimming back and forth (or maybe hither and thither) along that solid black line painted on the bottom of a pool that calms my mind. And then there's the little sommersault in between that marks the end of one lap and the beginning of the next. I crave lap swimming and can't seem to ever get enough.

So, I'm done with my session for the day and I head to the shower. I whip off my bathing suit and enter the shower area except that there's an elderly woman sort of hovering in between me and the showers. I see only a partial profile of her as she is very gradually making her way out of the first shower stall. She says to me, "Oh, do you need to get in here?" and I respond, "Why, yes, I do. I would love to rinse off." And so she backs up into her shower stall and I pass by not taking any more notice of her until I exit the shower stall. And there it is. Wha-bam! I am mildly stunned for a moment and have to regain my composure. "What an ass!" my mind is shouting and I have to use ever ounce of willpower so as not to let out some kind of animalistic sound. This thing is large. And I mean LARGE as in ENORMOUS. I realize at this point that I am truly a terrible person because after she dons her muumuu (nothing else would enclose this mammoth of an ass), she is obviously struggling with her things and her crutches. And instead of offering to help her, I am mentally trying to figure out its exact dimensions. In the meantime, another woman, much less terrible and fascinated than myself, offers to help her.

At this point, you must be dying to know just how big this thing was. And its shape! The way it hung like two ample, ripe, genetically mutated pears that had been injected with some turbo growth formula. My guess is that this ass was at least 4 feet wide. I'm talking each cheek was two feet WIDE and maybe that long as well because this thing HUNG ("Swing low sweet chariot...Comin' to carry me home!") Any man would be jealous at this woman's sheer length.

Fascinated, I watched her walk (well, more like, stumble) to her car, obviously weighted down by that mass now hidden underneath the thin pink fabric of her dress. All I could do was make small giggling sounds to myself and blame New Jersey. "It's because I'm from NJ that I'm like this," I kept telling myself. Poor New Jersey. It gets blamed for everything - even my sick fascination with a poor elderly woman's buttocks.